another year...

Another year passes by like a bullet train speeding across the city. All the events that has occurred within one year have all been so random. I can truly say that this has been a pretty good year meeting someone that would me so dear to me. Although on the other hand: things have also changed for the bad...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years

2009 I hate you, but thank you

2010 Better be a good surprise...

Remembering the good times...

Baby every morning I wake up thinking:

thoughts that anger me

thoughts that leaves me smiling

thoughts that drives me crazy

...make them stop. Oh please.

All Of Me???

What am I doing or where am I going with this? Times like these I wish I could just pop some cheat code in and have a little screen pop out on the side and tell me what lies ahead. Sadly to say life doesn't run on a 300 dollar platform. I can't believe I am this confidence, I can't believe I am this stupid. Everyday I feel like theres always something wrong with me. Why can't I just live life or why can't I just...? But whatever, If this is how it will be then I will have forget.

Sometimes I wonder how much? How long? Someone shoot me ... Though I won't give up there just will be drastic changes in order for better things to happen and for me to stop writing these depressing blogs. Why am I up at 4am blogging.. sighh.. oh yeah its gets hard to sleep with weight on my mind.. how f ing sad of me...

Whatever... life goes on ... as the sun still shines bright so will I. No moon will block my way of succeeding in life.

words

There is only so much I can say. In times like these i disappoint myself. Where do I go with the words I say. Why do I do the things I do. All I do is hurt myself. So why do I do it? Maybe to get a point out. Maybe I do it just because. sigh...

Only time will tell where this train will take me. I hope its not back to where I started.

Although I did learn something from all of this. Its time to make my own decisions... -__-
Im tired of the mistakes I make.

I will make it better for myself -__-

Again and Again

Again and Again and Again

As much as I hate to say it... i hate it.
Why is does it always happen. Why do I always feel this way. Why cant I just learn to accept to know when to stop. But all i can do is to hold it in because thats the best thing to do for situations like this. whatever f m life.

All I can do is to act like nothing is wrong and in due time ill grow use to it and then my whole life will be whatevers. I am tired of this. I am tired of everything.

whatever.

I Cant Believe It..

Remember those good old days when life just seemed so worry free.

19 years pass and now I sit here worry about whats next whats next. Time to finish that paper. time to study for that test. And besides that life is filled with drama after High School, my goodness I thought that was only a phase that leaves you after you get your HS diploma, but I guess it follows you until you die... LoL whatever.

To be honest. I have been with many girls in my life about 8 9 10 or so. But then it could be less because people say some dont count, but hey whatever. Though all these girls were special at the time. There is one that i truly adore. Who would have thought such an Angel could possible exist. Someone who is so sweet, kind, understanding, beautiful, funny, trust worthy, squishy, amazing, caring... and so on. Never would have believed I would find such a beauty.

These past 4 months and 27 days I have never felt so happy. Even with the drama happening in my life, This girl is like that frosting on top of your cake. The only thing that makes you bring out the best in yourself. That motivation to go for the goal. That smile you have when you get your first toy. What a feeling. She is the core of my world. What more can I ask for. Intense.

Why ???

A feeling I thought that would disappear after a period of time. A dreadful feeling I thought I would never have to deal with again, but unfortunately it came back. Oh dam you!!!

Every time its brought up I cant help but feel agitated by it. I know I should get over it. But sadly its quite difficult when your afraid of the mysteries that lie in the future.

"How Did We End Up Here" by B44 what a song... sometimes I wonder if feelings do run in circles and it just takes time for them to come back, like how it takes the world 365 days to make one whole circle around the sun.

Sometimes I wish life would be simple like algebra. Wishing things would make sense...and wishing life would not have to be so dam dramatic, but i guess with out that life is boring...but who cares. As long as things make sense its what makes it less stressful.

FMLife.

Never Ending Talk

Drama is what you see online or on television. What is it doing in my life? I do not remember reading a script being directed to act a certain way? What is this?

Graduating high school, I was hoping to be rid of this nonsense. I guess trying to meet more mature people has its downside. They may seem mature for the first few days, but after a while they seem to turn there backs on you and start to talk shit. How mature?

I admit I was an asshole back in the days, but that was a year or two ago. And to hate me because of what people tell you, good job. If you want to hate me, at least know me.

Grow Up.

Its hard to believe...

When something seems to be going great something happens and your stuck thinking about it.

What a migrane I say. Though I believe that things happen for a reason. A reason that needs to be pondered and understood before action can be taken, therefore I sit here and ponder while I type.

Given the situation I believe that it is meant to be. What I should do is a different story. Im confused, but not. A question flows through my head. The only answer I will accept are the depressing ones. Why can I not accept the truth, but only ponder the "what if's"

Living life can have its ups and downs. But determining where that arrow points depends on the action an individual takes. What a hassle. Though right now I will do nothing but hope for the best, and live life not expecting what is to come.